Love is
by GoPlayInTrafficxox
Summary: Kaoru begins acting strangely after Haruhi rescues Tamaki which worries Hikaru. New and confusing feelings take root when Hikaru realizes who has captured his heart. And that he may lose them soon. 'Unrequited love can still have its advantages' he mused.
1. Love is ?

Disclaimer: Ouran doesn't and will never belong to me, it belongs to Bisco Hatori who is the genius who came up with the Host Club. I am only its fan fiction writer

Warning: Implied feelings, OOCness, and some spoilers (more like references) to the anime.

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><p><em>I never really thought about it. My relationship with Kaoru that is. It just never occured to me that things might be different if we weren't as close as we were. Or that we might get hurt if either one of us left. Maybe it's because I didn't want to think that. To me Kaoru was all I knew. To me Kaoru was my everything.<em>

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><p>It all started when Milord had almost been taken away from us. But he came back. Came back because of Haruhi.<p>

Haruhi is amazing. She just is. Being able to care for others, shedding light on lies, and making me realize Kaoru is different from me. Different in a good way. I admired Haruhi for that gift of knowledge. It showed everyone we weren't the same person. At first I was just stunned. Kaoru was too but he was watching my reaction. I knew he was watching me but I didn't say anything. I have mixed feelings about it now. Was I supposed to feel good or bad about it? I think it's pointless to overthink things. I still can't get that incident out of my head.

Anyway Haruhi had just rescued Milord and as they were dancing, I noticed something. I wasn't jealous. True, I only teased Haruhi because it was fun, especially when the boss blew a gasket over the playful teasing Kaoru and I were commited to. That's the other thing. Kaoru was different. Different in the fact that it was more then just teasing.

Watching them, the maiden and the prince, dancing together, the scene was just too serene. But I noticed from the corner of my eye, Kaoru looked so sad and dejected. And when I asked him what was wrong, he only gave me that fake sugary smile and said he was all right. But it didn't feel right to me. We'd promised we wouldn't lie to each other. But before I could press on, Haruhi danced our way. In that instant I saw Kaoru's somber expression transform into life as he smiled and laughed at the sight of Haruhi twirling with Hunny-senpai.

Shocked, I felt something ache deep down inside. I groaned. Surely I hadn't just been repressing unrequited feelings for Haruhi now? And yet I looked ahead of me to see her dancing with Kaoru and it was painful. Kaoru saw me staring and twirled over with Haruhi in tow. Understanding his motive, I shared a dance with Haruhi despite the sling on my sprained arm. Yet, as soon as I took her hand, it didn't feel like anything more then platonic feelings one has for good friends. So then I made the excuse of my arm hurting too much so I could find Kaoru-I mean rethink things.

I spent several minutes trying to think but all my mind could do was replay fond memories of the times Kaoru and I were together. And the sad ones of being separated like the supposed date with Haruhi. the memories were bittersweet as it was fun messing with everyone but then Kaoru go hurt and it wasn't fun and games anymore. Nothing is worth friends, especially Kaoru getting hurt.

I finally found him standing with the others-Mori-senpai, Honey-senpai, and Kyouya-senpai-and when I took my place next to him, the dull ache faded a bit. I'd just turned to ask Kaoru why he ran off when the clock tower struck 12 and the fireworks went off. And over the clock bells and the fireworks I could see Kaoru mouthing words. Something about a carrige and the rotten pumpkin.

While everyone else watched the fireworks display, I watched Kaoru. For perhaps the first time I saw just how alive he looked. That wise and melancholy expression that graced those beautiful features, the light of the exploding fireworks lighting his face in different hues each second, and how in the midst of the crowd he was the only color in a black and white world. That look in his eyes...I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. Something so undescribable and so mysteriously wonderful that even now words don't do it the justice it deserves.

The trance broke however when Kaoru caught sight of me and greeted me with an actual smile. I felt that dull ache return but I ignored it as I made my way to Kaoru's side and took his hand with my uninjured one. I just wanted to savor that moment, knowing Kaoru may have been different but it wasn't such a bad thing.

When Haruhi came over and Kaoru's eyes brightened as his grip on my hand fell slack, the dull ache surfaced. I watched as Haruhi talked so sweetly with the boss while girls swooned over the scene and Kaoru leaned in to hear her words. He smiled and giggled at how with just one sentence the boss was sent back into his corner and Haruhi tried dragging him out of it.

"Hikaru? You all right?"

I blinked my eyes and saw Kaoru staring at me worriedly. At least he wasn't looking at her. I answered that I was ok but he gave me a look of disbelief. I then gave him the excuse of having a headache and how my arm still felt sore. His face twisted into concern once again and almost went to look for Kyouya when I stopped him and said it wasn't that bad as long as he stayed by my side.

A crowd of fans turned and surrounded us as Kaoru clutched my suit jacket and pleaded with me with a pink face to be less embarrassing at a party. I merely smirked and with my good hand tilted Kaoru's face so close to my own that our heated breath mixed. My heart sped just a bit faster but I concentrated on delivering my line on if Kaoru didn't forget how much he enjoyed being my _private_ nurse. Our audience erupted into screams of joy and I would've rolled my eyes had Kaoru not just snuggled his face into my chest. I blushed and felt awkward while the girls just ate it up. Soon they were distracted, thank god, by the sight of Haruhi offering the moping boss appetizers. He then glomped her for being so cute and offering snacks while the girls just squealed silently. I let out a snicker and Kaoru looked over and gave a gentle smile before laughing as well.

We enjoyed ourselves the rest of the night, teasing the lovely couple, playing tricks on unsuspecting partyers, and of course just being the infamous Hitachiin twins.

We arrived home exhausted that night and Kaoru threw himself on his side of the gigantic bed right after changing and brushing his teeth. I must've had a fond expression on my face as I sat on the edge of the bed and watch Kaoru's breathing deepen. When sleep called me I crawled underneath the covers and was startled when Kaoru embraced me in his sleep. His hair stroked lightly against my skin while his warm breath tickled my neck. I felt just like I did earlier, flustered and for no reason.

Kaoru let out a contented murmur and I relaxed. Letting myself be taken by sleep I wrapped my arms around Kaoru and listened to the synchronized beating of our hearts as I drifted into sleep.

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><p><em>I never saw it coming. Never in a million years. I never knew the seeds of change had been planted in my heart. Maybe they'd always been there, just waiting for the right moment to begin sprouting, the moment when something inside of me had changed. Perhaps, it had always been there. Suppressed by my subconscious as well as what I knew was right.<em>

_All I knew was that a dangerous seed had been planted and was ready to grow. Had I been aware-more like Kaoru-I could've caught myself. Rid myself of the seed before it could turn into a weed._

_I never saw it coming and that's how my downfall came so easily._

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><p>NEW FIC! I've been meaning to publish this for awhile and so I grew impatient. Not beta'd although that would've been nice. Let me know if there are any mistakes as Ive said before it's been thought over in my head for a LONG time.<p> 


	2. Love is Caring

Disclaimer: Ouran doesn't and will never belong to me, it belongs to Bisco Hatori who is the genius who came up with the Host Club. I am only its fan fiction writer.

Warning: Implied stuff, OOCness, and some spoilers (more like references) to the anime.

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><p><em>We're twins...it's natural to always want to be together. You never saw one Hitachiin without the other. I don't like being seperated from Kaoru. It just gave me an uneasy feeling like something could happen. Like in Karuizawa when Kaoru got injured. Only a scratch but I'm glad his injuries were left at that. But that sense of relief didn't calm me when we were in our room and I gripped his hand tightly. I was scared to let go. I still am...<em>

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><p>We were back at school and soon returned to our normal routine. Well, as normal as you can get from being part of the Host Club. The boss and Haruhi had begun dating secretly and Haruhi was still apart of the Club despite having paid her debt. It was nice having her around but something had changed. I don't know what it was but it was infuriating me for no reason.<p>

I guess it was how awkward it's been with Kaoru. Ever since Haruhi and Milord got together, he's been kind of moody. Oh, he tries to hide it but how can he expect me, his twin, to fall for it? I knew he was lying about being sick so I'd take Haruhi on that horrible date. He still had me worried though. Why would he want to trick me?

Back to his moodiness, Kaoru has been acting so strangely. He's been having trouble sleeping, eating, and for some reason he doesn't like talking about Haruhi. Or Tamaki for that matter. And he thought I was the childish one. Ok I am but that doesn't change how he refuses to tall me what's wrong. Even now as we walk with Haruhi between us he's forcing himself to smile and laugh. Although he has a light shade of pink on his face that's refusing to go away.

Of course something's wrong with me too.

For the past week all I've been able to think about is Kaoru and just Kaoru. Not to mention I've been getting so nervous around him, especially when we go to sleep. I mean come one, we've been sleeping in the same bed for our entire lives. Even when we first started going through puberty things didn't change between us. And now all of a sudden I'm blushing like crazy. I'm turning into Milord woe is me.

I blush even now as I recall how much Kaoru clings onto me in his sleep. The way his sleeping face holds no secrets and how he makes the cutest noises. And just how close his lips are-Oh god bad thoughts go away.

"Hikaru why are you hitting yourself?"

I look up to see Kaoru looking at me curiously while Haruhi is busy sitting at her desk working.

"Oh nothing. I just remembered an embarrassing dream I had." I rubbed the back of my head awkwardly and Kaoru sits down with a "Whatever."

Huh? Usually he's so much more considerate. Not only is he more grown-up but he gets people's feelings better then I do to tell the truth.

"Guys you should really stop talking and get to work. Class is going to start any minute now."

Haruhi's voice cut in and Kaoru stiffened before focusing his attention on the window. I frowned. Just what is this guy's problem? Is he having a bad day or something?

"Hitachiin sit down."

Reluctantly I obeyed and snuck glances every now and then at Kaoru. He had that faraway look in his eyes as he held his head up with his hand while gazing out the window. He sighed every so often and he glanced over at Haruhi whenever he thought someone wasn't looking. Wait, what's so special about Haruhi? Hypocritical but hey I'm his twin he should be paying attention to me.

Quickly I scrawled a note and tossed it. It landed on the back of his head and he shot me an annoyed look before reading the note. He scrawled his reply and his toss barely cleared Haruhi's desk.

_You can tell me if you have a problem or something_

_Thanks but I don't._

I ripped the note in half and was about to get out of my seat and shake him when I saw him staring at Haruhi. It was such a sad and caring look that it took my breath away. My voice died in my throat and my heart beat so much faster. I turned my head the other direction and put a hand over my mouth. If he's giving Haruhi that kind of look then is it possible he's...? Wait. He can't! I turned m head slowly to see Kaoru looking out the window again, no one aware of it but I.

I wonder what he's thinking. Could it be about Ha-her? I looked down and stared hard at my desk. So what if he is. I don't care. My hands clenched and unclenched and I looked back once again at Kaoru. That look in his eyes reminded me of when he was watching the boss and Haruhi dance. Without even knowing I was blushing, I pictured Kaoru turning to me and fixing those beautiful eyes on me. Just the thought made the temperature rise.

**BRING!**

As soon as the bell rang I leapt out of my seat and was the first out the door. There's no possible way Kaoru was in love with Haruhi just no.

"Hikaru wait up!" I stopped walking at my fast pace and waited as Kaoru caught up with me.

"God haven't you heard of being patient?" He said in an irritated tone while he pouted. I fought the urge to laugh at his cute face.

"Sorry. Class was just too dull so I had to get out of there."

"Well you should've waited. It's only polite you know." He huffed and started walking. I already knew I was forgiven.

"Say, where's Haruhi? Are we going to wait for her as well?"

Kaoru tensed up for a second before trying to act nonchalant.

"Nahh she's walking with the boss."

"They're certainly getting along rather well considering he's such an idiot. Hey wanna prank them later?" I'd caught up with Kaoru since he'd been walking pretty fast.

"Not today. Don't feel like it." I narrowed my eyes at him. We'd arrived at Music Room #3 where instead of entering right away I blocked Kaoru's path. "What are you doing?" He matched my annoyed expression with his own.

"I'm trying to understand the problem here."

"As far as I know there is no problem."

"There's another problem. You keep lying to me. Whatever it is stop it. I can't read your mind so just tell me what's been bothering you and I'll fix it." He looked surprised at my statement and looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't.

"Please. I'm not good at this kind of thing so just tell me and I'll try my hardest." At this point I'd gripped Kaoru's shoulders while he looked into my eyes with such surprise.

"Hika-Hikaru" He said as tears gathered in his eyes. He shut them and buried his face into the crook of my neck. Startled, I fought to control my breathing and instead focus on the crying boy in my arms. I hugged him and patted his back while his muffled sobs continully broke my already aching heart. He gripped my back tightly as we stood there together.

"Shhh. Just let it all out." I whispered and we must've been both surprised at how mature I was being. But on the inside I was melting with such nervousness and my body trembled with Kaoru's. I placed my face in Kaoru's hair and almost fainted at the rich scent. Why was I feeling like this towards him? I'm in pain whenever he's in pain and all I want right now is to see him smile again.

After for who knows how long Kaoru stopped his sobs and relaxed gradually. He lifted his head and wiped his remaining tears with one hand while the other still clutched the fabric of my back. I found myself staring intently at him and focusing at how much more attractive he was today. I gave a gentle smile as he hiccuped and hid my disappointment when Kaoru let go of me with a quiet thank you.

"Now will you tell me what's wrong?"

He sighed and barely uttered Haruhi before the familiar laughter of pauper and prince reached our ears. We turned to see the couple round the corner. Haruhi was cute as usual but for some reason she was annoying me. Milord was running after her as usual while she _pretended_ not to hear and a smile threatened to escape. I turned back to face Kaoru and found him blushing darkly while his sad eyes avoided the couple.

I froze. It all clicked into place. The reason Kaoru was so upset, had been reduced to tears, and was even now avoiding it, was because of Haruhi. He was upset that Haruhi was with Tamaki because he was _in love _with her. He'd been heartbroken all along and I didn't notice it. Guilt washed over me before my head snapped up and I grabbed Kaoru's hand, dragging him into Music Room #2.

As soon as I shut the door I grabbed Kaoru and held him in tight embrace.

"I'm sorry Kaoru. So sorry." I said while Kaoru stood there. I calmed when he returned the embrace with a loose one.

"Why are you sorry? It's not anybody's fault, least of all yours." His voice still cracked and I held his face like I did during our act. Close enough to tease but never satisfy.

"Because I am not just your twin but your older brother. And it's my job to protect you from harm." Kaoru smiled back at me, almost all traces of tears gone.

"Thanks. That really does mean alot Hikaru. Maybe you're not as big an idiot as everyone thinks." I frowned a tiny bit while Kaoru laughed gently. That gentle laughter of his awoke butterflies in my stomach but luckily he didn't notice me laugh nervously with him. Then it occured to me we were in a room, together and alone.

"Hey, I think you're coming down with something Hika. Your face is all hot." Kaoru's cool hand rested against my hot forehead and I swear if he didn't hear my heart pounding then he must've been deaf.

"Ehh it's nothing. We should get back or else we'll be late." Kaoru stood back and looked at the clock on the wall while I felt where his hand had just met my hot skin.

"Oh no! C'mon Club started 15 minutes ago!" He grabbed my hand this time and led me out. I _wasn't _focusing on how soft his hand felt or how perfectly our hands fit together for your information.

Kyouya shot us a look promising punishment later but in the mean time we had a lot of clients to attend to. I breathed a sigh of relief that he didn't just kill us on on the spot.

As Kaoru and I made our way to a table where lots of our clients were waiting, I felt his hand squeeze mine as we passed Tamaki and Haruhi. I squeezed back to let him know I was there if he needed me. He shot me a thankful look as we took our seats but I couldn't help but miss his hand in mine. I just couldn't.

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><p><em>I guess I should've seen it coming. The seed was slowly growing and yet I still didn't notice. The pain I felt for Kaoru was strictly brotherly, or so I thought. But maybe the sharp pain in my heart wasn't just Kaoru's pain but also the pain of the roots digging and spreading inside. That's what I should've noticed. When Kaoru's pain became my own. And when I started missing his touches even when he was sitting near. Our mother always said we were born holding hands. Whether it's true or not doesn't atone for the <strong>want<strong> to believe._


	3. Love is Envious

Disclaimer: Ouran doesn't belong to me. Bisco Hatori who is the genius who came up with the Host Club. I'm only fanfiction writer.

Warning: Implied feelings, OOCness, and some spoilers (references) to the anime.

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><p>I'm very irritated now. Why? I've been playing my part as a host while Kaoru leaves me to go off into his own little world. At least he's not staring at Haruhi and Tamaki. I'm probably just being overprotective and don't want to see him hurt. But, I can't stop the loud squeals of Milord's fans and Haurhi's whenever they do something even remotely intimate.<p>

Soon our own guests get tired of Kaoru's supposed 'hard to get' attitude and wander off to help convince Haruhi to wear a dress-suggested by Tamaki of course.

I sigh and turn to face Kaoru. There he goes. Faraway look? Check. Bored expression? Check. Soft lips? Uncomfirmed.

"Having fun boys?" I groan and look up to see the Shadow King with his clipboard standing over us.

"Let us guess, we're not bringing in any profits and you want us to do something about it." I say at the exact time Kaoru does.

"Correct. You two will stay after Club hours and clean the entire room." He smiled and looked up from writing on his clipboard. "I trust there won't be any objections?"

"How can we refuse when you'll give us something worse if we do?" This time we both sit up straight and shrug like usual. Kyouya only smirks and begins walking away. He stops a few feet away and says in a voice loud enough for only our ears.

"By the way you should work on your act. Wouldn't want Haruhi or Tamaki to become worried, now would we?" The both of us stiffened and hearing the amusement in Kyouya's voice made me want to smack him. Apparently Kaoru must've gotten read my mind when he put a hand on my shoulder. Somehow that hand made me instantly calm.

"Don't worry. Kyouya-senpai did that because he really does care." I turned to him, hurt he took Kyouya's side over well ours.

"How can you say that? And how long has he known anyway?" He looked a bit startled by my sudden hostile attitude before frowning and at me and crossing his arms.

"He just figured it out on his own and I wouldn't have told him. Besides, despite that cold shell he has, he can actually be more considerate then some people, Hikaru." Kaoru left and to spite me, he went over to Kyouya's table.

A sick feeling ran through me. Like I wanted to punch something, preferably Kyouya. Or yell at him for being so friendly towards Kaoru. It was just like in Karuizawa when Haruhi's old friend Arai was at the pension. It made me feel so mad for no reason. Seeing him there with all of the Hosts like he thought he was one of them! Well, he wasn't!

Just what did Kaoru call this feeling?

Wasn't it, I don't know, jealousy?

...

Wait, I'm not jealous. It's more like I'm pissed off at something or someone. First Kaoru but that's more like I'm annoyed at his behavior. Second there's Haruhi and the boss but only since Kaoru likes Haruhi. And I don't like that he likes Haruhi. Just like I don't like how Kyouya knew about it before I did and did come over to warn us. But right now I don't like them acting so close. I just don't.

"Hika-chan!" Suddenly something blonde and surrounded by flowers comes flying at me. Oh dear lord it's-

"Mitskuni. Be careful."-Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai. Just my luck. They almost always know what's up. Have I been that dense that the seniors noticed what was wrong before I did? This isn't good at all.

"Hey Honey-senpai, Mori-senpai. What brings you guys here?" I say forcing a smile which is making my face twitch. Honey's wide happy eyes turn serious and I gulp.

"Hika-chan...You and Kao-chan aren't fighting are you?" I stared down at him for a minute before scrambling to find an answer. He looked like he was going to cry and Mori-senpai wouldn't have been too happy with me.

"What! No that not it! Heh heh heh." I wave my hands in denial while two pairs of eyes probe my words and face. Shoot they're not buying it. If only Kaoru was here then maybe it wouldn't be so tense and we could weasel our way out of it together.

"Ok." I froze and looked down at Honey-senpai as he smiled and clutched his Usa-chan tighter. "It's just that you and Kao-chan are so close that it'd be very hard to not be together." He turned his gaze and I followed him to where Kaoru sat with his eyes downcast while Kyouya talked. "When someone is very close and dear to you it makes sense to always want them to happy. And to not give them up without a fight." He turned back to me and smiled sweetly.

"Thanks Honey-senpai...I guess I should go get Kaoru then?" Honey turned to me with a surprised expression while Mori stood as stoic as ever.

"You hear that Takashi! It is about Kao-chan! I was just thinking about Usa-chan and cake and-" He waved his arms until Mori-senpai picked him up.

"Mitskuni, you're not helping." True enough. Tamaki's corner of woe was occupied, by myself of course.

"Sorry Hika-chan." I lifted my head from on top of my knees and mumbled.

"It's alright."

"Yeah but seriously you should talk to Kao-chan about what's bothering you or else your feelings won't be known." Honey flashed me one more smile before swinging on top of Mori-senpai's shoulders to raid the Club's storage for cake. I sighed and started thinking hard.

What would I say to him? Sorry the girl you love is already going out with our lord but I'm here for you? That sounds like the script for a cheesy movie. Starting over. Let's see how about...A mental image of us performing another Forbidden Brotherly Love Act springs to mind and I bury my head into my knees. No definitely not that.

A hand taps my shoulder and I spring up.

"Kaoru!" But the figure backs away and I'm filled with so much depressing disappointment.

"No, Haruhi. Kaoru's in the restroom." I let out a "hmmp!" before leaning against the wall and crossing my arms.

"What do you want?" Haruhi just remains calm and for some reason a desire to yell at her for hurting Kaoru springs to mind. But that would mean she'd learn Kaoru's crush on her and I can't have that. "Well?"

"I was just wondering why you and Kaoru both look so miserable."

"No there's nothing! At all! Right Honey-senpai?" Honey looks up from the massive amount of cake he's eating before looking over at Mori-senpai, then back at me and nods his head. "There. There's nothing to see here so off you go!" I laugh nervously and try pushing Haruhi back at her table. She frowns and turns to face me.

"If there really is nothing wrong than why was Kaoru crying earlier?" Dang it.

"Oh um you see..." I twiddle my thumbs and pray for someone to help me.

"And why are you so intent on hiding whatever's going on? Kaoru's my friend too and friends help each other. Have you even thought about asking for help? Don't think you can just solve his problems by yourself Hikaru. Kaoru needs everyone, not just you." That awful feeling was twisting itself in my stomach a her words. I could already feel my anger rising. What right did she have, this girl who just waltzes in here and thinks she can solve issues that don't even concern her.

"Kaoru's my twin. What do you know about him that I don't?" Haruhi looked surprised while I glared at her. She-she doesn't even deserve to know what's wrong. She should just go go running back to Milord and stay away from us.

"Hikaru-"

"Shut up! Why don't you just run back to your hovel? Oh wait my bad, all you have is a tranny father and a dead mother!"

**SLAP!**

A sharp pain exploded on my left cheek and the room became dead silent.

"Don't you dare make fun of my parents Hikaru." I faced away from Haruhi while the clients whispered amongst themselves. Second time she's hit me. Second time I've been humiliated. Second because of my jealousy. First time for not caring. "Kaoru's your twin but he's always done what's best for you. What have you done for him?"

I looked back at Haruhi and found her expression wasn't angry anymore but pleading.

"Why can't you realize we all care about Kaoru? What makes you think Kaoru will always depend on you?" I didn't know how to answer her and instead looked down at my feet. I blinked hard. I'm getting all angered and frustrated because of Haruhi. She hurt my twin, unintentionally but still. She hurt my Kaoru.

Huh? That thought wasn't right. Kaoru's not mine. But he can't be anyone else's either. Especially not Haruhi's. No one deserves him.

Footsteps approached us and I saw Tamaki raise his eyebrow at me as he took Haruhi by the shoulders. Honey-senpai gestured over at the doorway and Tamaki nodded.

"C'mon Haruhi! Let daddy take care of you since your brother was being so mean!" Haruhi sighed and let herself be dragged back. I stood there until a familiar voice made my heart leap.

"Hikaru! What happened to your cheek!" Kaoru grabbed my face and I found our noses almost touching as he inspected the handprint marring my cheek. He tsched and put his hands on his hips. "Jeez Hikaru. I'm gone for a few minutes and you already got into a mess."

"Sorry for just being myself. I'm not perfect you know." I say in a loud obnoxious voice. Kaoru looks back at me with his piercing golden eyes and breaks into a smile.

"Sorry." He wraps his arms around my neck and automatically my hands round around his waist. "But you're perfect to me, Hikaru." He says blushing and performing like the perfect catcher. The girls start squealing everyhwere, having completely forgotten my outburst.

"We've enjoyed your company but we must sadly say goodbye to all you lovely ladies. Please come again." I pull away from Kaoru once Tamaki's done with his announcement. All the ladies are disappointed but leave after saying goodbye to thier favorite hosts. Some girls had been hesitant to approach me until Kaoru started clinging onto me with smiles.

"I trust that this room will be spotless or we might have problems." We both looked over as Kyouya shut the doors and the last thing we saw was his smirk. Bastard.

* * *

><p>Hours later after breaking our backs cleaning the gigantic music room Kaoru and I were in our room.<p>

"Man! How do commoners do this everyday!" I exclaimed once I was on my bed. Kaoru came in and rubbed his back before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I don't know but maybe because they're trained or something." Kaoru flopped back as well so we were both on our backs. A silence filled the room and I was about to fall asleep when Kaoru broke the silence.

"Hey...Hikaru um, what happened between you and Haruhi?" Kaoru sat up and looked down at me. I wanted to ignore him but I didn't want him to worry.

"Well she was getting up in our business so I made fun of her parents." I mumbled the last aprt but Kaoru still heard me.

"What! I can't believe you did that! You know how much Haruhi loves her parents." He said with big eyes. "You should go and apologize to her tomorrow or else she won't talk to either of us."

"No."

"Why-why not? She's our friend Hikaru and I don't want to lose that."

"What's so special about that commoner?" I sat up fast and was face to face with Kaoru. That ugly feeling was brewing just by him saying Haruhi's name. Why can't he just stop talking about her when she's hurting him! " I'm your twin and yet you won't even talk to me about it. Just what is it that makes her so special?" I held back my jea-anger while Kaoru looked down. I felt his hand on mine and heard his voice.

"She's just different. I mean..." His pink lips formed a gentle yet sad smile that made my heart stop by looking at it."...Haruhi's the first person to be able to tell us apart. The first to make her way into our world. Do you see what I'm saying? Hikaru?" He looked into my eyes with such a happy and innocent face. He took both of my hands in his own and held them to his heart. "Haruhi's special because she cares for people, she's selfless, but she's so dense!" He closed his eyes and laughed while I still looked at him.

"...I can't blame Milord for falling for her and I want them to be happy. Even if it means I'm not..."

"Don't think like that! Your happiness counts just as theirs do!" I grabbed his shoulders out of fear while he looked confused.

"But Haruhi loves Milord and they're so happy together. I just can't ruin that by telling Haruhi my feelings." I want Kaoru to be happy but that means he'd be with Haruhi and Milord wouldn't like that and neither would I. In fact, I hate the thought of Haruhi being with Kaoru when she hasn't even realized he lo-likes her.

"Then it's obvious that you shouldn't tell her." And I don't want him to. "How long have you even liked her?" I swallow hard while I look for the answer in the kind eyes of my twin.

"I don't remember when I did. I didn't realize it until Milord started acting like he liked her too. For some reason I felt really sick and thought I was being overprotective. Yy heart felt weird, I was thinking about her alot, and I kept on looking at her too. And than I realized I liked Haruhi as a girl." I looked hard at Kaoru and saw that just talking about Haruhi made him happy.

"But by the time I realized I liked her, I already lost to Milord." He let go of my hands and laid back down on the bed. "It's funny though." He closed his eyes. "Maybe if I had realized my feelings sooner then I wouldn't be so heartbroken."


	4. Love is There

Disclaimer:Bisco Hatori who is the genius who came up with the Host Club.

Warning: OOCness, and some spoilers (references) to the anime.

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><p><em>I didn't have any idea what he was going through. My twin Hikaru...How long have you been feeling this pain? If I could go back and change things I would. Maybe-maybe then your heart could heal properly. I'm afraid though there's no such thing as being able to change the past. Back then I was so selfish, thinking of only myself when you needed me most. I can feel your sadness even now...<em>

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><p>Hikaru was silent. He was being so quiet it made me self-counscious. Did my confession stun him that badly? Could he harboring feelings for Haruhi as well? If so, then why has he still not said anything? It worries me when I can't tell what he's thinking, like we're drifting apart. But I'm sure he'd be able to function without me, after all midnight is approaching.<p>

I've already lost my chance with Haruhi. Truth be told I don't think we would've even become a couple. It was pretty obvious Tamaki was in love with her and I even thought Hikaru liked her too. Setting up that date between them scared me deep down inside. What if he really did fall for her? I'd have a broken heart either way but to be left behind as well? I don't anyone could handle that much pain, no matter how selfless they are. Which is why I've kept these feelings to myself.

I mean, Hikaru musn't worry over these things. His head would explode from all the thinking! Back to the topic though, Hikaru would really protest if I told him we had to grow up and be independent. And Hikaru can be really loud when he wants something. However it's for the best. He will never be happy if our relationship stays the same as it is now. I thought Haruhi reaching into our world would finally show him that we don't have to depend on each other only. But it seems it backfired. Haruhi's presence only makes him cling tighter to me. He doesn't notice these things like I do.

He doesn't see how tightly he grips my hand when she's near. He doesn't hear her voice, only wanting to focus on my own. He seems to talk to her reluctantly and only if I am in order to keep up with appearances. Lately, while sleeping Hikaru's been holding me tightly, afraid to let go at times. If only he knew I would never abandon him like that. True my heart belongs to Haruhi but no one could ever change that fact that we are twins. Once, before we met Haruhi I told him I'd die for him. He yelled at me saying I shouldn't be thinking things like that, especially since he thinks he's supposed to protect me. I let him think that since it's one of his reasurences.

"What's love like?" I look up in surprise. Of all the things he's said this is most shocking of him. He's not exactly good with his feelings. I'm not much better but I try. I smile and sit up while Hikaru sits as still as a statue on the edge. I pull my knees up to rest my head. I have to rest but I'll let Hikaru have his answer before I'm too tired.

"Well I'm not quite sure. When does one cross the border from like to love?" I smiled to myself. "You know it's probably the best and worst feeling out there. One second you're happier then you've ever been in your life, all because that one person glanced your way. But that second's over when their eyes land not on you but the person beside you, the one they're actually interested in. That feeling of happiness that overwhelms you becomes your deepest despair and your heart breaks and will do so until the next time." My smile fades as I recall the first time Haruhi, instead of scowling at his antics, offered a smile and that laughter of hers to the boss.

"...Why would anyone fall in love? Why go through that pain?" I can feel Hikaru's eyes on me but I still have my head buried into my kness. He doesn't understand yet but-

"Because being in love is a gift. If you can't love they say you'll never reach happiness."-love is truly the best feeling.

I feel sleep beckoning me and I move to get under the covers. Hikaru moves stiffly when he turns off the light and joins me. In just a few seconds my heavy lids are shut and I can feel Hikaru's breathing calm. I feel his sleeping body shift until arms wrap around me and a head buries itself into my neck. I smile even though I feel like pushing him away so he can learn I won't always be here. But until that day comes when he decides to take that step forward, whether or not I'll be with him, I'll let this slip.

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><p>"And then he clung onto me and asked if we could share beds!"<p>

"Hikaru!" Look down, place hand over heart, blush. "How could you them that! It was supposed to be our secret!" I exclaim. Once again, Hikaru turns to comfort me.

"But Kaoru-" His hand strokes my faux pink face. "You were so cute hanging onto me I simply had to tell these ladies." The ladies are currently swooning over us, squealing when Hikaru takes my hand, placing a kiss on it. But my mind is elsewhere. At Haruhi's table to be precise.

"Forgive me? Kaoru?" I snap back into focus at Hikaru's voice, mentally berating myself for getting so distracted.

"I forgive you." The girls are too excited to see Hikaru's frown beginning to form at the lack of emotion in my answer. They're much too blind to see I'm not really here with them, nor have been with them for a long time. Just the symptoms of longing.

"Kaoru~" I'm mildy surprised to hear an almost feral tone come from my brother, even more so when I realize a very ticked off doppelganger of mine still hasn't released my hand.

"Hik-" Hands grab at me, pulling me to a warm chest.

"There's no need to look at anything but me. Kaoru." I look up at Hikaru's face with a smug little smile replacing an almost frown.

"Oh God I can't take this anymore!"

"Shut up and enjoy it while it lasts!"

"Yes, who knows when it'll happen again!"

Typical fangirls. I suppress the urge to roll my eyes at them, knowing Kyouya's probably watching. I can hear the fangirls from Tamaki's table squealing as well. I see him wooing another girl and is prancing about like the blonde he is. He's so into his act that he doesn't notice a banana peel on the floor and fell forwards. I would've laughed had a sudden pressure not pressed against my mouth. I blink and Hikaru's eyes do the same. I notice a second later that the pressure is soft warm and doesn't really feel like anything. In that same second I realize Hikaru's too close, Tamaki's gaping at us while still on the floor, and the girls have just fainted. Hikaru and I pull back at the same time and at the same speed of ok-we-just-kissed-nothing-to-see-here-folks while clamping a hand over both mouths.

"NO! Why'd you stop!"

"It was just getting good too!"

"Mommy!" Tamaki clutches onto the Demon Lord's jacket while a dark aura emantes from him.

Hikaru and I lock eyes at the same time. We are so dead.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" A group of girls start chanting. I grow curious at how Hikaru buries his face in his hand and is that a blush I see?

"Yes why don't you show us how close you are?" Kyouya smiles down at me while writing in his notebook. Damn, is this his idea of a twisted joke or a way to make profits?

"Fine." I lean over and place a chaste peck on Hikaru's cheek and I hear a click. He just had to take a picture didn't he?

"This will make a fine addition to our calender." He smirks and I glare. He really only does think of profits now doesn't he?

"Hey..." I look down and Hikaru looking back at me with a hand placed on his cheek. "Why'd you do that?"

"Don't worry it was just to get them to leave us alone." I watch bemused as girls surround a smiling Kyouya with hearts in their eyes and yen in their hands. Fangirls.

"Um Kaoru?" Haruhi stands before me.

"Yeah?"

"Hikaru's growing mushrooms over there and I just wanted you to know."

"Oh thanks." Sure enough there he is in what's supposed to be Tamaki's emo corner. But he's not alone. Honey and Mori are there over with him and they stop talking as soon as I approach them.

"Kao-chan!" The karate-expert runs at me with Usa-chan in both arms.

"Hey Honey-senpai. Listen I just came here to get Hikaru so if you'll pardon me..." I run into a wall but it's actually Mori!

"Sorry Kao-chan no can do. Takashi says he and Hika-chan have very important business and are sleeping over at Takashi's house!" Mori keeps nodding at everyting his cousin says, blocking my view at the same time.

"Ah, okay I understand, loud and clear." Hikaru had better warn me next time before he decides to do something like this! Especially since the weekend's here and I'll probably have nothing to do. With Hikaru anyway. I walk away to grab my bag since Host Club was nearly over and all when something tugged the back of my jacket.

"Hey Kao-chan?" It's Honey, eyes hidden from me since his bangs were in the way.

"You need something Honey-senpai?" I crouch down so Honey and I are eye to eye. He raises his head and smiles brightly at me.

"Just remember that Hika-chan will be always be there for you. 'K?" He hugged that pink animal of his and smiled brightly.

"Sure but why?"

"Because the people that are closest to us are often the ones who hurt us the most. But Hika-chan loves you too much to try to hurt you so what I'm saying is that you should think about what you're doing since it could be doing more harm then good." I was speechless so he continued. "I know you think separtion is the answer but you shouldn't decide things on your own since you don't really know what either of you want, do you?"

What I want? What Hikaru wants? It's supposed to be independence, isn't it?

"See ya later Kao-chan! Remember what I said!" I snapped my head back up. Wait host club's done already! I've been standing here like an idiot for who knows how long!

I rushed to grab my things and was ready to call for Hikaru when it hit me. He already left. Damn it, I need to stop depending on him so much. It's what we want.

Right?

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><p>Thank you for the reviews and sorry for updating so late!<p>

Arigatou and Gomenasai!


	5. Love isn't Here

Disclaimer: Ouran will never belong to me sadly enough

Warning: I'm sick of these aren't you?. Yeah more then likely.

Thank You to everyone who's read/alerted/favorited this story. It's more encouraging then you'd think!

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><p>"Kaoru go home already!"<p>

"But Haruhi~I don't wanna!"

"Fine, be quiet at least I'm trying to do homework here."

"But that's so boring!"

"Go home! I'm sure Hikaru will be more then happy to keep you busy."

Ugh, Why did I even come? Oh yeah Hikaru disappeared on me so I followed Haruhi home. Thank you Renge for keeping the boss and Kyouya busy with next week's cosplay!...Just don't get too excited or else Kyouya will kill you in your sleep and make it look like an accident. Currently Haruhi and I were sitting opposite of each other at her kotatsu. Figures she'd keep that there for the boss man.

"Hikaru's with Mori and Honey and there's nothing to do at my house." I whined again. Haruhi looked ready to kill something until I mentioned Hikaru.

"Wait, Hikaru left you alone? I thought you two were always together." I rolled my eyes at her.

"It's not like we're joined at the hip."

"I know but..." She put her book down and gave me her full attention. "It's not that you two have to be together. You just are."

That's pretty observant. "I've never actually thought about it that much." I stretched and leaned back on my hands. Haruhi looked curiously at me before standing up.

"Listen I've got some errands to run and I trust you'll be fine on your own." I ran after her as she grabbed her purse from her room.

"No, I'd actually like to come." She walked past me and to the door, opening it slightly.

"It won't take long but just promise to behave." I flashed her a smile and two thumbs up.

"What am I getting myself into?" She grumbled and led the way. I was all smiles since I'd get Haruhi all to myself without anyone interfering, not even Hikaru. My smile wavered and Haruhi noticed as she was walking beside me.

"Hey, weren't you all excited a second ago? We can turn back if you want to. Although there's supposed to be some kind of sale on fruits today..." I smiled at Haruhi's thinking face. She can be so selfless.

"Aww Haruhi has anyone told you how cute you are?" She grudgingly accepted my hug.

"Only everyday by you, Tamaki-senpai, and Hikaru." She escaped my hug only cause I let her. We continued walking and it was a nice silent walk. It was a sunny day out considering winter wasn't supposed to be over yet. I was quite content walking to the market with Haruhi though the silence was broken by some old couple.

"Look deary don't those two look good together?" An old woman gestured to what I assumed to be her husband.

"I'm sure they'd have lovely children." He answered wrapping an arm around her. That stung. A lot. Haruhi wasn't paying any attention of which I was kind relieved. No need to give away my dirty little secret.

"Sooo..." I crossed my arms behind my head. "How are you and the boss?"

She didn't look at me and instead looked straight ahead. "We're fine. He still wants to dress me up everytime I go to his home. So annoying."

"I'm sure he means well." Haruhi gave me a look that said 'oh yeah?' "Remember how he can't see his mom anymore and didn't have much friends growing up?" Haruhi looked down and fixed a sad gaze at the sidewalk.

"Yeah. You guys told me about that during the fair. Something about his grandmother wanting an heir."

"Anyway losing your parent is hard enough but to be sent to a foreign country as well's tough. But he turned out better then most people, I'm sure of it. I don't think I could've survived." Haruhi stopped and I almost ran into her.

"You're a good person Kaoru. So don't put yourself down like that." Surprise, surprise she's being wonderful as always. She turned to face me with a tiny frown. "Hikaru wouldn't be happy to hear you say that either." Unsure of how to react I opened my mouth but Haruhi started walking away again.

"Now let's hurry up! We still have homework to do and I have to make dinner before my dad gets home." I chuckled quietly and followed Haruhi. I may never get over her but for now I'll enjoy her company as a friend.

"Whoa! I didn't know they gave free samples of cookies!" I grabbed the plate full of these fresh-baked chocalate cookies. However Haruhi snatched it back. "Hey what's the big deal I was planning on eating those."

"You're only supposed to take one so that other people get some too." Haruhi gave the plate back to a very annoyed baker and jammed a cookie in my mouth.

"Hwwy dis iz gwd!" I ate the cookie in one gulp while Haruhi muttered something underneath her breath. Something about me being a rich bastard while she walked away. "Woah wait up! Don't leave me with all these commoners!" I caught up to Haruhi when she was looking at the free samples of something. Canned yams. Gross.

"I wonder if these will be any good." She held up a plate with a sample and took a bite.

"How can you eat that? It's canned."

"Just try it." She held up her fork and I got this weird sense of deja vu.

"I don't really want to but sure." I leaned forward and took the piece on Haruhi's fork.

"Hey this is really good! We should get a ton of this stuff." It was really yummy why hasn't anyone shown me the deliciousness of canned yams til now?

"I still need to buy ingredients for soup tonight. The yams'll have to wait." And here's were being filthy rich comes in.

"No problem. I'll just buy some for me and Hikaru."

"Oh yeah Hikaru really did like yams too but I forget whether we ended up buying them or not. He was really thinking about you the whole time." And yet he looked like he was having a fun time while the rest of us were spying on them.

Haruhi managed to find everything she needed and I tagged along. We were walking back to her apartment when I looked up and noticed some gray clouds were approaching.

"Look's like it's gonna rain soon." Haruhi looked up and tensed.

"Maybe we should start walking faster so we don't get wet." She gave me a nervous face and laugh that I could tell was forced. Something was off but it might just be me being paranoid.

We made it to back just as it started pouring and lucky for me my designer clothes didn't get a spot on them. I'm my mother would've killed me or forced me to make my own clothes. The woman can be scary sometimes.

"Kaoru will you please focus on stirring the soup? I need to call and see if my dad'll be late coming home."

"Yeah, sure." To be honest the soup didn't look like much. It was supposed to be chicken with noodles in it and yet it looked like the kind of broth my aunt would feed to her dog. But it smelled really good since I was pretty hungry. All that walking no wonder commoners are sticks. A loud burst of thunder rang and I heard a muffled sound. Like somebody holding back a yell.

"Haruhi? You ok?" This place was so small it was worrying me how I got no answer. I knew about her fear of storms since Tamaki did tell the rest of the Host Club but I didn't really know how severe it was. The soup was done anyway so I turned off the stove and in my hurry just stuck the pot into the sink. I walked out to the living room, she wasn't there. Nor was she in any of the other rooms.

On the brink of panicking, I walked passed the storage room and heard whimpering. Getting down on my knees I slid the door back and found Haruhi's huddled form. I looked in awe as the brave girl I knew was reduced to this crying mess. Her head was buried in her knees, her hands on her ears, and eyes clamped shut. She looked up at me and it stung to see her holding back her tears full of fear.

"Ka-Kaoru?" Her small voice brought the situation to mind. I shrugged off my jacket just as another roll of thunder cried and lightning followed. Haruhi looked up when I placed the jacket over her shoulders and pulled her to my chest.

"Here just focus on my heartbeat. I hear it calms people down." Haruhi closed her eyes and snuggled closer while I fought a blush. She still flinched whenever she heard thunder but gradually she calmed. She couldn't see the lightning but she kept a tight hold on me. Rain fell down hard on the roof and the thunder became slower between intervals.

"Kaoru?" I looked down. Haruhi's muffled voice almost escaped me but she continued. "Do you ever comfort Hikaru like this?"

"No actually..." Haruhi looked up. I gulped and gave her an answer "Hikaru would always comfort me like this whenever I had a nightmare." I should be embarrassed but she's distracted and interested in what I'm saying. "When we were little I'd got to his room and he'd hug me, tell me everything's allright, and let me sleep with him. He has this idea that it's his job to protect me." I remember that's how our habit of sleeping together formed. He never once complained and I never felt like asking why we still continued, no longer having that innocence of childhood.

"He sounds like a really good brother. It must be really nice to always have someone be there for you." Haruhi closed her eyes and settled back to listen to my heartbeat.

I looked away and to the opposite side of the room. Her words sound really familiar. Honey-senpai said words like that to me too. It's as if people are now realizing I'm planning on pushing Hikaru away. And for some reason they don't want that, like I'm making a bad mistake. That explains why Honey and Mori wanted to talk to him and of course without me. So if they're taking action why hasn't Milord? He'd be over this like a dog since he wants things to remain the same way and yet it doesn't seem like he even knows of the situation. Honey and Mori could be keeping it a secret since they wouldn't want to worry Tamaki but Haruhi's caught on. I wonder just how much she knows.

"HARUHI!" We both jump as the front door slams open and something zooms in. It stops in front of the open storage and stares down with big eyes.

"Oh hey Milord..." I mutter weakly. He twitches and grabs me the front of my shirt.

"Just what the hell were you doing in there with Haruhi you devil!"

"Woah take a breather I don't think that brain of yours is getting enough oxygen." He scowled at me until he noticed the other person in the room.

"Oh Haruhi, daddy was so worried about you but mommy wouldn't let me go until the plans were finished!" He hugged Hauhii and surprise or not she didn't struggle.

"I'm fine. Kaoru was here." He looked over and then scanned the room.

"What?" I asked.

"Where's the other devil! I don't like it when I can't see you both."

"Relax." I waved my hand in the air "Hikaru's spending the night with Mori-senpai. Anyway I'd better head home." No need to see these two get all lovey-dovey thank you.

He opened his big mouth before Haruhi dragged him by the ear and led a yelping Milord to the kitchen. Well that's my cue to leave. I left out the front door and called a car. I inwardly grimaced after getting into the car knowing I'd be sleeping alone tonight. Somehow that put me in a worse mood and I stewed in misery all the way back home. I flopped down onto the bed and didn't bother to change into pajamas. Just as I was about to fall asleep my phone vibrated, indicating someone just texted me.

_Kao-chan come to Takashi's house. Hika-chan needs you here._

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><p><em>Ok this was probably a pretty lousy chapter and I deeply regret it. Especially since those reviews really got me out of my writer's block and this is what I have to show for it T-T<em>

_However I have a proposition. Review and I update the next chapter TODAY. _


	6. Love is Beginning

Disclaimer: Ouran doesn't belong to me

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><p>"Mori-senpai what's the point of this?" I asked the huge giant of a human sitting across me.<p>

"To clear the mind." He said opening and closing his eyes for what he called an exercise.

"How does sitting and doing nothing clear the mind exactly?" We were in one of the many rooms of the Morinozuka doing what I've just said. NOTHING AT ALL.

"..." He remained as still as a statue while I figeted. And here I thought Haruhi was the boring one, not this Kendo champion. I wish Kaoru were here, nothing's that fun without my devious little doppelganger around. However I'll try this just to get it over with. Closing my eyes I breathed deeply, in and out, slowly. Focusing on just my breathing I tried to not think. Oh the irony since my sweet little brother wants me to think more then I already do.

Speaking of Kaoru...

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><p><em>Holding his slender body close, I felt this sudden urge to lean forward and close that tantalizing distance between us. Just one taste to know what another's warm would feel. But that would be pushing the limit and it's just plain wrong. This was Kaoru, nothing more nothing less. Yet a pair of hands made contact with my back, propelling me forward. Quickly a comforting warmth met with my lips and I felt the urge to press harder but I held myself back. I wanted to enjoy this warmth while I could, not scare it away. Is this kind of contact supposed to make you feel so warm inside? Unintentional contact like this could only last so long and in pulling back in shock, I still could feel my lips tingling from kissing him. And I wanted more. More of this delicious and sinful closeness with the one who makes my heart beat for him, and only him.<em>

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><p>"Takashi I don't think this is helping." I blinked and noticed Honey standing right in front of me, wiping my face hwere a trail of drool had escaped. "There you go you're all clean." WAIT A SECOND HOW LONG HAVE THEY"VE BEEN STANDING THERE? AND WHEN DID THE LOLITA GET HERE? I gaped while Honey disposed of the handkerchief and Mori stood.<p>

"...Agreed."

"Hika-chan needs soemthing to get his mind off of kissing Kao-chan."

"What! I was so not thinking that! That's my brother you're talking about!" I could hear my voice crack and face grow warm. They both only flashed me looks that said 'whatever you say.'

"If he's only your brother why do you act so strange around him?"

"That's cause-!" He cut me off.

"You also got angry at Haru-chan for some reason." He narrowed his eyes, just the tiniest bit. "Me and Takashi know Kao-chan likes her but that's still no reason for you to get all mad."

"You're not sorry either." Mori butted in. I would've told him off except he spoke the truth.

"She hurt him! It's just that..." They stared at me, beckoning me to continue. I took a deep breath. "I saw Kaoru was acting all weird and it took me awhile to figure out he liked Haruhi. When I did, he just-just started crying. He was sobbing his heart out because of her!" The emotion that resembled angry ran through me, making me wish Haruhi had never come to Ouran. If she hadn't then I wouldn't have to deal with this anger and Kaoru wouldn't be hurt. He'd be happy.

"But you have to accept that it's not Haru-chan's fault." Honey's somber voice cut in.

"I can't though."I couldn't meet their probing gazes anymore so I put a hand over part of my face, blocking them from sight. "I just can't. She's hurting him without even knowing it and it just makes me so mad at her. And Kaoru gets so sad and hurt but I can't do anything to help. It's because he's so happy around her and it hurts for some reason to see him look so happy around her instead of me..." I trailed off and looked up after only a minute of silence. "I want him to be happy and all, just not because Haruhi's around. I want him smile and laugh with me because I'd never hurt him the way Haruhi did."

The cousins only looked and nodded to each other. Mori left the room and Honey plopped down on the ground and pulled a piece of cake out of nowhere. He offered a bite to me and I shook my head no. He ate the entire cake in under a minute and I wondered how he remained so tiny on his diet of nothing but cake and sweets. Mori came back into the room with another cake and a book. He gave the cake to Honey who muttered a thank you before flipping open the book. It grew very silent save for Honey's chewing and just when I was about to sleep Mori thrust the book in my direction.

"Read."

"What for?" I questioned but got no answer. With a grumble I took the book from him and gave the page a quick glance. A dictionary. It was a freaking dictionary. I opened my mouth to protest but the fierce look in Mori's eyes made me think twice. My eyes fell to the open page and read a recently underlined word.

**Love: **

**Verb: Feeling of a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone): "do you love me?".**  
><strong>Noun: An intense feeling of deep affection: "their love for their country".<strong>  
><strong>Synonyms:<strong>  
><strong>-verb: like - be fond of - fancy – adore<strong>  
><strong>-noun: affection - fondness - darling - passion<strong>

"What the hell is this for?" I muttered after slamming the book close.

"Hika-chan, please just open your eyes." Honey pleaded with me. "Surely you must know by now what you're feeling." He kneeled in front of me and grabbed my hands, looked me in the eyes, saying "You're in love."

"I...I'm..." Honey nodded, still holding my hand while Mori gazed down at us.

"You love Kao-chan more then you think. More then as his brother." He looked so serious that for a second I almost believed in his words. Alost.

"Are you crazy!" Honey frowned a bit and I cut him off before he could say another word. "That's my brother you're talkng about. This must be some sick joke isn't it?" I stood and clenched my fists tightly. How could they! I come here because I have a problem and they pull this on me!

"You love him." I looked up to see Mori's stony face and I glared at him. He only stood his ground and crossed his arms.

"It's just an act! We're great actors but if you think it's real then you've got another thing coming." I swear they're turning into a bunch of fangirls for believing in Milord's crap about us being a pair of incestous brothers. Or they've lost their minds.

"But you just said when he's hurt, you're hurt. When he's happy, you're happy. And when he's with Haru-chan you get jealous. If that's not love then I don't know what is!"

I remained silent. There was no way I was...it's wrong! It's wrong on so many levels! It's so wrong to think I must be gay for my little, no, TWIN brother and that I'll have no problem with it! I'm supposed to love and protect Kaoru as my brother not as his freaking lover! There's no way in hell that I'd be some pervert after my own flesh and blood! I'd kill myself if someone didn't kill me first. Not even the biggest fangirl would ever accept this in real life so get real! I'm not in love with Kaoru and that's final.

...So why does it make sense?

Thank you very much Honey! Same goes to you Mori! We should include Milord since it's his whole damn fault I have to be so incestous towards my twin. God, I feel so creepy just thinking this. Ok if Kaoru's happy I'm happy? Of course. Does knowing he likes Haruhi kill me? Hell yes, I have to deal with a stinking crossdresser and commoner stealing the only person I'm close to. And it's not even fair! She has milord just drooling at her feet along with practically the entire school and she wants more? Just go die in a ditch Haruhi and stay away from Kaoru! He doesn't need anyone besides me and that's final!

I just sounded possessive didn't I? No wonder Kaoru thinks he's more mature. I'm going to give this a try.

"Ok let's say I do love him but what then? There's no way he'd accept it." It makes me want to return to Milord's corner. Kaoru yelling, screaming at me to get away from him, never go near him again. Being rejected like that...it'd kill me.

Honey looked extremely sad and his next words made me feel even worse. "You're right. Kao-chan does like Haru-chan a lot. But that shouldn't stop you from telling him."

"No offence but that's totally unrealistic. He'd reject me without blinking an eye."

"That maybe how you'd react but this is Kao-chan. He'd be more understanding." He got up to leave and walked over to the door where Mori was waiting for him.

"But how can you be so sure?" He turned back to me and a smile ran across his young feautures.

"I'm not. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. After all, most people would give anything for the kind of love you already share with your brother. So don't be afraid and give up. Some people go through their whole lives searching for someone to love. You're lucky to have been born with the one you love Hika-chan." They left and closed the screendoor. I still stood there.

"I'm lucky...Total crap." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. This was goin way too far fast me. I came here because I kissed my brother all because of Milord's clumsiness and I thought I didn't know how I felt about it. I liked it but it was wrong to like it. But in love? That's taking it too far. Kaoru's great and all but he's still my brother. I thought back again to the kiss. How his body was so warm, it fit perfectly in my arms, and how soft his lips were. My face was getting all hot and red just thinking about what it'd be like to kiss him again. Because kissing him felt so amazing and so right...I'm in trouble. I hit myself in the head a couple times.

"Get a grip on yourself! That's your twin you're thinking about!" I did that for a couple of minutes and held my head while it throbbed. And here I thought the boss was the bigger pervert but no~ Haruhi's not really his daughter but Kaoru is my brother. And I think I might have a small crush on him. I'm so going to hell for this.

The slamming of a door caught my attention. There, standing in the doorway and panting like he ran all the way here, was Kaoru.

"Hikaru! Are you ok?" He rushed over to me and tackled me. My bad that was actually his hug.

"Woah! No need to pounce on me like that!" Kaoru wouldn't let go and he gave me a pout. "Hey don't give that look. What made you think I was in trouble?"

"Honey-senpai sent me a text saying you were." He huffed and let go of me. "I thought he was being serious but I guess he just wanted me to come over. You weren't being any trouble were you?"

"Of course not. I was just having trouble sleeping." Kaoru puzzles over this and I don't know whether or not I want him to see through my lie.

"So was I. So where are we sleeping? It's getting pretty late." And he thinks I'm the clueless one. He doesn't know the half of it, that little brother of mine. Well as long we get to sleep together everything will be...wait a minute! I feel like such a pervert for this and yet we've slept together for such long time but it's that age. Stuff happening when we're asleep and I do not want to risk waking up all hot and bothered because I'm sleeping next to an object of affection. My object of affection...that sounds so creepy and perverted without even trying.

"Oi Hikaru! You really need to learn how to pay attention." He tapped my head a couple of times but I still wasn't paying any attention. You see as long as I don't look at him I won't be reminded exactly what kind of pervert I am for feeling this way. I won't have to look into those innocent eyes and lie to them, have to tune out that voice before it speaks words I'll twist around, avoid those plump kissable lips before I force my own on them and force an appendage of mine through them. Just thinking about it means I'm screwed for the perhaps the rest of my life.

Overdramatic much? I really am turning into Milord. No~ I don't want to be a blonde idiot with chessy pick-up lines!

A familiar and moist softness places itself on my cheek for barely a second before disappearing. I raise my hand up to cover whatever trace is left. Savor it while I can.

"You did it again." The little devil kissed my cheek. Again. Oh how cruel is fate for giving me this kind of brother?

"Well it seems that it's the only way to get your attention Hikaru." I could hear his smile in his words. Bastard.

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><p>I don't really see why fate has to be so cruel to me. Is it because I'm too beautiful? Too rich? Is it because I'm starting to sound too much like the boss?<p>

Whatever it is I'm screwed. Look over at Kaoru's sweet, innocent face, I'm even more screwed.

Thanks to our oh so genereous hosts, Kaoru and I get to share a room with a king-size bed since they just happened to run out of rooms with twin beds. If they weren't karate and kendo champions I'd totally make them pay. It's their own fault I'm even thinking this so late at night! I haven't been able to sleep while Kaoru here went out as soon as Honey shut off the light. And to make matters worse Kaoru's very clingy tonight. Adorable but kind of annoying when I'm trying to not pounce on him.

He makes it so hard too! What with how when he breathes he inhales with his nose then lets it out by opening his mouth a bit and repeating the process. And he occasinally makes a little noise, a whimper, a purr, a whatever-but-it's-going-to-drive-you-crazy-anyway type of noise. It's too much I tell you! My mind is screaming at me to just get up or push him away and go sleep in the corner but no. Instead I get to sleep with my twin practically on top of me and in his death-grip too.

After about another hour of this torture I make up my mind. I will shift and push my dear little brother off gently then get away as fast as possible without waking him up. Good plan right? Easier then done. Somehow when I try to get out of Kaoru's grip, he tightens it so I try and push him away as gently as possible and instead end up on top of him! You try being bare-chested towards your crush and not panicking. Did I mention how my breathing and heart stopped while blood rushed everywhere? Yet another cruel effect handed from fate to mother nature. Screw them.

I'm ok. I'm ok. Just need to get off of him and I'll be golden. But I'm stuck in place because of the view I have. Ginger hair splayed over the pillow, skin glowing in the moonlight, warmth breath mixing with my own, and of course how calm and innocent the face identical to my own is. It's too alluring and the distance between me and that face grows less and less until I'm barely hovering over those enticing lips. But just as I'm about to pull away something totally catches me by surprise. Kaoru shifts beneath me just the tiniest of a fraction and our lips join together. I press against them, fusing them, not too hard but not too gently either. And it seems I can't get enough because even when I pull back for air my lips join his again and again.

I gasp for air. It's stupid how people seem to forget to breathe when engaged in this kind of activity but you'd be surprised. I go in for anther taste and hear Kaoru moan against my lips. My ears hear him uttering a word, almost like a mantra.

"Haruhi...Haruhi..." I freeze, pull back, and stare down at him. Even when I'm the one kissing him in his sleep, his dreams are still full of that girl. It takes me a while to realize my eyes are stinging and that the droplets of water falling down Kaoru's face are dripping off my own. Raising a hand, I stroke his cheek and lean in close. This image of how vulnerable Kaoru is...I don't want anyone but me to see him this way. I inhale his rich, flowery scent, truly something from heaven. But he also smells different. He smells like a certain commoner.

No it couldn't be. She was with Milord and Kaoru would never think of that. But that smells still bothers me. It's messing up Kaoru's already unique and beautful scent that's so intoxicating. I want to erase any trace of her. Kaoru's so much better without her and he can't seem to understand it.

I pull further back and on all fours I take one last look at him. Soft lips, soft hair, soft body. My face burns. If only he knew I was staring down at him like a piece of meat. I settle back down, next to him. He whimpers and shifts so that once again he's holding me. I hold still before giving in. I turn to face him and bury my face into his neck, allowing that flowery scent to wash over me. Combined with his calm breath and heartbeat, I feel my eyes getting heavier and heavier as my arms grip him even closer to me. For tonight I'll let myself be swept away. After that who knows?

This is a phase. A twisted phase about incestous feelings towards my brother. If only the fangirls knew. Just as long as Kaoru never knew. Honey says he'd understand but there's a part of me, I don't know how big it is, that says if I ever said something to him the consequences would be severe. But is it really better to hold in all these feelings? If I do that then won't there be a chance I'll snap?

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><p>Made good on my promise didn't I?<p>

Anyway I'm thinking of making this fic M-rated and I just wanted your guys' thoughts on it. See ya!


	7. Love is Blind

A shout-out to hershey889! I'm sorry I forgot you were on fanfiction! Thank you for helping me for some of Honey's dialouge in the last chapter! And I'm being forced to say to go check out her Soul Eater fic(s)! She's an awesome person with a terrible memory!

* * *

><p>'Hikaru you idiot.' I think as I storm through the halls. 'I can't believe I let you pretend to be me just so you wouldn't get in trouble with the teacher. AGAIN.' Hikaru's seriously annoying me. He's been having trouble sleeping because of some nightmares he refuses tot ell me about. As a consequence he's been falling asleep in class and now I have to pay for his mistakes. What a great brother he is.<p>

"Hikaru?" I stop to see one of the girls who come to visit the Host Club. Her name escapes me since she's not really a regular.

"Yes?" She looks really nervously and blushes. I feel bad that I'm having to keep this act but I don't think Hikaru wants to talk to any girls outside of the Host Club right now.

"Um..I was wondering if I could ask you something..." She trails off and starts blushing. I want to groan. This is probably another confession. But at least I'll be able to let her down gently, unlike a certain hotheaded, irresponsible, childish-

"Sure but make it quick." It's almost time for Host Club to start and I don't want to to be late. Tamaki would throw a fit since he came up with a new cosplay today.

"I've liked you for a really long time so...Wouldyougooutwithme?" In a loud voice she almost yells at me.

"I'm sorry but I'm afriad the answer's no." She looks down at her shoes while I walk past her.

"I see. Could it be you already like someone?" I stop and turn to face her. Her sad eyes bore into mine and it's like she's looking into my soul. I might regret this, being late and all, but right now I'll spare time to be honest.

"Yeah I do." She tenses then relaxes once she sees the small smile. I'm growig a habit of smiling at the thought of Haruhi.

"Well I hope you're happy with him then." Wait him?

"I'm sorry I might've heard that wrong but who's him?" I wait nervously while the girl frowns.

"Kaoru, of course." What a relief I thought she was being serious. I guess she's just another fangirl.

"You must be mistaken because that's my brother-"

"No I think you're mistaken." She cuts me off and I frown. "If only you saw the way you look at him." She began walking away, opposite of where I was headed. I was kind of-well mad. She just called my own brother gay and stupidly believes in our act.

"You know-" She stopped but didn't face me. "I feels sorry for you. That you believe I really am in love with my **twin brother**. It's disgusting." I hope it's something Hikaru would say otherwise she wouldn't believe me. Normally I would've wlaked away but Hikaru would make a point that we're just brothers, albeit close but we're twins. She started walking away again and I'd hoped I'd won the battle.

"It's pitiful how much in denial you are when you're so obvious, Hikaru. You're downright pathetic."

* * *

><p>"Look Kao-chan's here!" Honey yelled when I stepped through the doors.<p>

"I'm glad to see you've finally arrived." I swear Kyoya's evil aura just gets bigger everytime I see it. "Now go change. Hikaru and the ladies are waiting." By how Kyoya's dressed in a butler's outfit I have a faint idea what's in store for me. A part of Tono's fantasy where he and Haruhi are some rich couple and everyone else are servants.

"Yeah yeah." I answer and walk to the changing area where a pair of curtains are already open for me. When I step inside I see the bag with my name on it. Must be my cosplay. When I open the bag and pick up the costume I gape.

I'M GOING TO FREAKING MAKE TAMAKI WISH HE WAS NEVER BORN!

"Kaoru?" I hide the offending piece of cloth behind my back as Haruhi enters. I couldn't help but be in awe at just how beautiful she looked, dressed in a pink Victorian-era ball dress that accented what little feminine curves she possessed. "I know I must look ridiculous."

"N-no! You look amazing!" I exclaim and waved my hands around. But I realized Haruhi could now see the dreaded thing, too late.

"I can't believe they're making you wear a **maid's **uniform." I cringed and gave the the black and white frabric a dirty look.

"Neither can I."

"It can't be helped." Haruhi took the cloth and then looked at me. "To be honest, it wouldn't look that bad on you." I gape at her.

"YOU'RE KIDDING ME." She shook her head.

"No, I believe it'd be easy to pull off." I groaned. "Here, want me to help you put it on?"

"NO! Thank you but no!" I shoved her out and then realized I was still holding the costume. I think a vein popped once I saw where the skirt ended. "Tono's such a perv."

After changing into the damn thing I reluctantly took a look in the mirror. The short and frilly skirt barely made it past my ass. I had to take off my freaking boxers and wear a pair of panties that _just happened_ to have been in the bag. Not to mention I had to wear this white silly headress and stockings that were _seethrough_ and had to be clipped onto the panties. Tono is such a perv. I took a look at the pair of black heels. Scratch that. He's a dead perv.

Once everything was on I sighed and stood ready to commirt social suicide. I cringed when the curtain flew open to reveal the seniors.

"Kao-chan! You look nice!" I forced a not-so-sure-about-that smile.

"You really think so?" The both of them nodded. "Guess I won't shoot myself then."

I took in their appearances and saw Mori was dressed in all white as a chef and Honey wore a pair of pink overalls and a straw hat to complete his gardener look. Least they're not wearing an immodestly short skirt out of a dirty magazine.

"I'm sure the ladies will love it." Honey gave one of his cavity-inducing smiles.

"Yeah." Mori said. With Honey guiding me by the hand and Mori standing guard in case I fell, I managed to walk to where Hikaru was waiting with our clients.

"Gaaahhhh! Kaoru looks so adorable!"

"Look at his legs! They're just like a girl's!"

"He can totally pull of anything!"

I could feel myself go red at how every girl in the room was oogling me. I caught Haruhi's eyes and she gave me a thumbs up. I bet she liked that everyone was now obsessing over my crossdressing instead of her cross-cross-dressing if such a thing existed.

Right before we made it to the table there was the sound of a 'powerful engine' and I almost lost it.

"Behold ladies! Two of our fellow gentlemen and beloved hosts have given us this blessing of wonderful crossdressing!" Renge the Okaku Queen yells into her microphone to which the other girls cheer her on.

"Takashi, the scary lady's back."

"Yeah."

While everyone's looking at Renge someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn to see Hikaru dressed in a suit, looking extremely uncomftable and avoiding looking at me. My stomach sank. Not him too...?

"Just ignore her." I nodded and Hikaru took my hand and got us to the couch.

"You're looking lovely today Kaoru." One girl says.

"You're too kind." I strain to say.

"Who came up with today's costumes?" The other asks.

"Tamaki and Renge." Hikaru answers as he leans away from me. I feel terrible. My own brother's ignoring me because of this stupid...! Course it would be weird seeing your identical twin crossdressing because it's like looking in a mirror. Seeing me in a maid's outfit means he's seeing himself in it too.

"So who's maid are you supposed to be?" The first girl's setting us up.

"Why, mine of course." I feel Hikaru's hot breath on my neck before his hands grab me, placing me in his lap. "A good maid will cater to the master's _every_ need. Right Kaoru?" Hikaru smirks and I want to turn around and hit him but his hands around my torso hold me securely in place.

"Ye-yes Hikaru." I fake a blush and speak in a slightly higher voice.

"That's Master to you." He says right against my ear.

"Kya~! Too cute!"

"I know!" The girls grab hands and start spouting nonsesnse. I shift just a bit to get more comfy and Hikaru amkes a sound in the back of his throat.

"You all right there?" I whisper.

"Ye-yeah just a cough." I almost want to turn around to see if he's when I remember what that girl said.

_"If only you saw the way you look at him."_

I mentally frown. The way Hikaru looks at me during our act? It's just hours of practice and writing out scrpts to the point of being natural. I shouldn't take what that girl said seriously then. She's just another nameless fangirl wanting to believe in something not there.

Yeah that's probably it.

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><p>Sorry for not updating in so long. Please find it in your hearts to forgive me because life is unpredicable at the worst times. Thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter and note that I will slowly add the m-rated meterial to this fic instead of just rushing into it. Also I want <strong>brutally <strong>honest comments because I had to rewrite this chapter many times and don't be afraid to point out anything like if it's rushed or anything and I haven't looked it over too much.

PS I was watching Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler amvs before this and that's how I got the whole cosplay in. I'm sure you know which characters' cosplays I used, but not all of them.

I promise to update faster!


	8. Note

**Hi. I apologize for not updating but I'm afraid this story will be put on hiatus. To answer some questions, I have been depressed. I've been depressed for a long time, for the past few years. I've thrown up, I've cut, but it didn't seem to go away. Yesterday I was in the hospital for overdosing on sleeping pills. The only reason I'm alive is because I have an amazing step-dad who took me to the emergency room after I sent him a text. I've been discharged but will have to start seeing counseling. The experience has made me realize there are wounds that need healing and scars that will never quite heal. I may be able to start writing in the weeks to come but it'll be for Hetalia. One last thing; not only did I hurt myself but my friends and family were hurt as well. Please never do what I did because it'll haunt me the rest of my life.**


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